No Doz (ing Through College)

I want to go back to school. I'm torn between two different colleges. I've tried listing the pros and cons of each, and there's a clear "obvious" choice, but there are a lot of emotions tied up that don't translate well to a pros/cons list...

[This entire post is basically a response to Liz's College...again post, and her question about what makes college great. One of the things that makes it great is the opportunity to meet people other than those who simply happened to be born in your county. People like Liz. Check out her blog.]

College is pretty great. Not only do you restart your friend base, you restart yourself. Not that it's easy to change from who you were into who you want to be, but here's your first real chance to try (that is, if you never transferred grade schools, which I didn't.)

And it's remarkably social. I'm grateful for the education I received in the classroom, which is one of the main reasons I'm drawn back to Oswego--but I valued even more the education I received at parties, social outings, shared apartments... Growing up never really ends, as far as I can tell (though I'm only 22, so I'm not sure I'm qualified yet to make that decision, but I do know that when I was 12, 22 was adult) but a lot of growing up happened in college. Realizing what matters in your life, sorting out what was important to you in the past only because it was important to your parents, teachers, peer group... A lot of the stupid stuff falls away.

That's not to say that college is a fantasy world. I gritted my teeth and got through high school--which is strange, because for the most part I actively enjoyed high school--with the thought that when I got to college, I would basically be walking on to the set of Friends. I assumed my friends would all read the same books as me and we'd sit around talking about philosophy over steaming cups of organic tea.

Reality was pretty far from my dreams. Oh, don't worry--I found a group of friends who I related to on a very deep level. I just wasn't the person I had always believed. My friends and I took part in such educational activities as hitting the bars every weekend, playing darts and sharing pitcher after pitcher of the cheapest beer in town. We took turns crushing No Doz pills for bumping off of each others' rippling abs, a body image achieved through ritualistic group purging. Kidding! But we did have the occassional crazy party, with the too-occassional alcohol poisoning. I can't say that we really passed around any books. Wait, yes, we passed around the textbook for Kestas' chem class...we shared the textbook for Intro to Astronomy...

And when I eventually realized that we weren't conforming to the image of "literary university students" to which I had jacked off long ago (not literally!), I heaved a sigh of relief. Because we meshed well together the way we were. Because we helped each other get through the issues associated with living on our own for the first time. Because, as crazy as it seems, we didn't need help from a TV show to figure out who we really were.

A lot of my favorite times were at the end of the day when Jenna and I would talk about what all the crazy people said when they spoke up during class. Or at the catering job I had with Jessica and Dana. A few more were when we went to watch Rachel, Catherine, and Mackenzie play hockey. Or our coed hockey team with Kevin. Or getting 3 hour rides home with Ben and making him teach me about chemistry.

Part of what makes me want to go back to Oswego is the thought that if that awesome group came together once, something like it could happen again... Another part tells me not to force the issue, and to look for new friends in a new place. Then again, Jenna's headed to that part of the state. WHAT WILL I DO?

Good thing there're still a few more months to ruminate on this choice. The one thing I do know--this time, I'm looking forward to a bit more scholarly learning, having gotten enough (maybe) out of my first social education. Though, come to think of it, every day is a new lesson in social education. This year, I'm stuck in a class that's bound to help me in my future interaction with kids (hopefully my own, someday) but that isn't really advancing my other goals.

However: here's to being debt-free by the time I start picking up college classes again!